Albion’s Alchemist

There’s an old journalistic maxim which runs ‘If you’re not offending someone, you’re not doing it right’. With his in mind the Alchemist has to assume he is doing something right.
You no doubt read my little mockery of the site Wander-Cures.com (Alchemy passim) and it may even have brought a smile to your face.

What is certain is that you clicked through the link to Mr. Jaisinghani’s site, because he followed you back to this Alchemy. And he did not like what he saw, oh no.

Certain aspects of the British mentality have rubbed of on our former colonies over the years and centuries, for instance Mr. Jaisinghani’s first instinct, upon finding himself offended, was to write a stiff letter. Here it is.

Message Received: Oct 11 2005, 08:11 AM
From: “Ashok T. Jaisinghani”
To: thealchemist@fsmail.net
Cc:
Subject: White Racist Nitwits!

So there. The Alchemist whole-heartedly recommends his reads do go to Nutritionist-No-1.com it’s a lot of fun. As to whether you will suffer the sort of debilitating nightmares threatened, well, that is purely a matter your own personal mental constitution.

The Alchemist replied to Mr. Jaisinghani. It’s only polite, what.

Sir,
Whilst I am white (I’m a nitwit too sometimes), I am by no means racist - I grew up in Saudi Arabia and if I had been racist, I would not be alive today.

The Alchemist

I think I was polite, and made a couple of good points. If There are any further responses suitable for public viewing then I shall probably post them too. I’d like to ask all of m’fellow Stumble-Upon users to visit Wonder-Cures.com and give it a thumbs up, we shall increase it’s ranking and show the world the truth about Aids, halleluiah!

I was going to write about last night’s excitement in Basra – no really, it seemed like the sort of thing etc, but when it came to it I didn’t have any real insight or inspiration. Instead I hit the ‘Stumble’ button in m’Firefox browser so I’d have something to look at whilst I dreamt up a new subject for today’s post.

What should appear but a site I myself had suggested to Stumble Upon so many moons ago – there’s a coincidence.

Taking this as inspiration the Alchemist is pleased to announce a new regular feature (if he can be bothered to read this sort of crapola regularly) to be called ‘Hooray for the Differently Sane!’ since that is in toto the review I gave for the site I stumbled.

To the site.

Wander-Cures.com is a site apparently written by, and solely of interest to an Indian chap called Ashok T. Jaisinghani.
In numerous garishly coloured pages Mr. Jaisinghani discusses the various ways multinational companies are oppressing/killing Indians with tainted water and pharmaceuticals. He goes on to express his belief that exercise and sex can cause constipation (and he knows of what he speaks because he has read’ about 500 books and thousands of articles on different systems of medicine and allied fields over a period of about 27 years’). Indeed he promises to pay a prize of one hundred thousand Rupees (a hair under £1’300) to anyone who can prove him wrong.

He goes on to discus his own quaint ideas about nutrition – ‘ Taking any nutrient in adequate amounts does not ensure that all the benefits due to that nutrient will be obtained.’.

Now if’ee want to say I’m being difficult then go ahead, but my gut tells me that the definition of an ‘adequate amount’ is the amount required to obtain all of the benefits, and therefore if one does not obtain all the benefits, then one has not taken an adequate amount. Still the Alchemist hasn’t been trying to understand the interrelationships between various nutrients for 35 years, so he may be wrong…

The nutritional laws of this man are as baroque as they are arcane and I shan’t attempt to give you a précis here, that would be a work of days.

The real meat of Mr. Jaisinghani’s site is that part which deals with Aids. Most anything can cause Aids according to Mr. Jaisinghani, including (but not limited to) sexual abstinence, iodine, antimony, vitamin D, phosphoric acid, chromium, benzene, sex, tea (oh dear), zinc, manganese, paraffin, magnesium, castor oil and ‘the Fury of the Sun’.

In fact the danger of Aids is so great that Mr.Jaisinghani has no choice but to break in to verse (no, I don’t know either).
It goes something like this.

AIDS is not caused by sexy Laila and Lola,
AIDS is due to the phosphoric acid in cola.

Will Americans think my article is a big joke?
They’ll be terribly sorry for any fun they poke!

But wait, for this is an anthology, further poetry explains other causes of Aids!
Throwing away their shirt and pant, or frock,
At the blazing Sun, all the great fools mock;
Their immunity gets the most mighty knock;
Advocates of long Sun baths are in the dock.
With great awe, Hindus bow to the mighty Sun;
Exposing himself, western man has a lot of fun;
Does the fellow really know what he has done?
To AIDS’ total cases, he has added a new one.
Well, on behalf of all Western Men, allow the Alchemist to apologise, we knew not what we did…

The website finishes with a heartfelt ‘Dedicated also to ALL the victims of medical maltreatment.’ – these victims are presumably Mr. Jaisinghani’s own.

Hooray for the Differently Sane!